Do you know that show “My Strange Addiction” on TLC?? Holy shit. It’s amazing. If you’ve never seen it, I’m not kidding, you must add it to your TiVo list – stat. Once I saw an episode where the death of this woman’s mother was so traumatizing, she became addicted to eating dry wall. They showed her tasting selections of her living room wall…apparently, she ate like 3 lbs. a month. At her best friend’s urging, she went to the doctor who told her – I hope you’re sitting – eating dry wall was, in fact, really bad for her. I am not exaggerating when I tell you she was shocked. Happily, she vowed to try and quit for her young daughter’s sake. Feel better about yourself? Yeah, me too.
Just because I am not addicted to eating parts of my home does not mean my back is monkey-free. I too have a somewhat strange addiction. I’m addicted to purchasing black leather pants. Yes, I ride the L-train…and like any addict must eventually admit, until I get my fix, this runaway train stops for no one. Now, in case you didn’t pick up on it a few sentences ago, I want to make it clear I don’t really wear black leather pants that much (right now I’m wearing pajama bottoms), I just compulsively hunt down and acquire them. Not counting those in “archive”, I have over 30 pairs happily hanging in my closet right now. I am not particularly discriminating either – from Jitrios stretch leather leggings (I have two pairs – always buy in doubles for important pieces) to vintage Valentino leather palazzos to $100.00 five pocket basics purchased online at The Biker’s Den (what Florsheim Shoes is to leather biker-wear) in different sizes …just in case I inadvertently bloat. Additionally, there is not one rise measurement -high waisted, mid-rise, thong flashing, pocket placement, inseam length or animal species who’s hide you could possibly sew into a pair of pants, that is not represented in my closet. My own lovely little petting zoo.
Now to the point of this whole article …
At this very moment, I have my site set on the pair I think will finally complete me. They are, of course, the “Frontman” by Current Elliot in black stretch leather. The have everything I’ve ever wanted – a nice long 34″ inseam fitted to the knee, then breaking to a perfect 18″ flare at the hem (massively figure flattering), they’re stretch leather (sexy and comfortable), they’re black (enough said) and their basic five pocket design is perfect for four season day to night wear….yes, in my fantasies, I wear them in the doggiest days of summer too.
I just hope my family stands by me when they discover the alarming absence of money for groceries this month. I promise guys, this will be the last time…
I wonder if I’ll get a call from TLC.