I have no full length mirrors in my house. I know, strange for someone who dresses people for a living….
The reason for this glaring omission in my home decorating is that I have a policy to neeeever to look at my rear view. My philosophy is that if I look good from the front – i.e., to me – that’s really all I care about. At least that’s the way I see it. Or saw it.
Unfortunately, some recent weight gain combined with a passing (and earth shattering) glimpse at my posterior while holiday shopping, led me to the conclusion this was a mistake. I couldn’t answer why the Gods had cursed me in this way. However, I could endeavor to find a solution.
Even though I’m a dork, even I have been invited to a couple of Christmas parties this year. Since this is Christmas and not Halloween – and right now my ass was a trick and not a treat – I hit the mall stat for some Spanx.
What I discovered was a gift from those very same Gods I thought had forsaken me. The solution that saved my ass was not in the Spanx section at Bloomingdale’s….it was, rather, hanging quietly in the “intimates” section of Neiman Marcus. One word – Wacoal.
Sorry Sara Blakely, fellow Atlanta liver, but, Wacoal’s shape-wear is the shiz-it (I’m so urban). When I tried on their, “Shaping Up Firm Control Long Leg Brief Panty“, I went from saggy-middle-age-cottage cheese-ass to hottie-crack an egg on my ass-cougar! The gym, I realized, is for idiots.
Sometimes – and this is one of those times – I feel like the Dalai Lama…just wandering the Earth, enlightening it’s many lost souls – and I guess, making their asses look better.