I hate “Yes” people. They suck. The funniest thing is that people always love these spineless sycophants – they’re everywhere. Haven’t we realized by now that they are all either: a) too lazy to tell you the truth and deal with the possible consequences of your anger or b) actually evil, and are working to increase the likelihood bad things will happen to you.
It’s like, hey “Yes” friend… Do you think I should wear this skin tight Alaia mico-mini-band-aid dress even though the backs of my thighs have so much cellulite you could store loose change in their cottage cheese pockets? “Yes” friend says…What are you crazy?!?? Yes – you should totally wear it!! People say Naomi Campbell looks great in Alaia?!? Whatever… you look waaaay better!! I think you must have that body dysmorphia disease…
Reading this, you’re probably wondering what doofus would fall for this? Pathetically, all of us doofi do. And why do we fall for it? Didn’t anybody see that Brad Pitt movie where Gwyneth Paltrow gets her head chopped off? Its Vanity, baby…and you better watch out or it will bite you right in that cottage cheese ass of yours.
Happily for us mortals, celebrities fall prey to “Yes” people at a way higher percentage than any of us in the general population. Abundant evidence of this could be seen on display at this year’s Golden Globes. Honestly, what happened there? I know actors are not subjected to a baseline IQ test before being paid 25 million dollars for their latest blockbuster, but, I gotta believe they all have mirrors. How many “Yes” people were involved in getting Tina Fey dressed? This is a smart woman. I like Tina Fey but if she had asked me over before the globes for my opinion of her dress, I would have pointed out that a dress with enough gathered skin tight tulle to add an easy 30 lbs to any body, specifically her “normal” person body, in bright fuscia and punctuated with a mermaid tail hemline covered in still more tulle – is no one’s friend. She looked like the late eighties barfed all over her – sorry Oscar. And what about poor Melissa McCarthy? She made that movie Bridesmaids and what was the thanks she got? Some moo moo from Lane Bryant (I didn’t know they carried Badgley Mischka now) You should have called me, Melissa…. I would have told you the truth. Thanks to “Yes” people, ugly dresses were all over that red carpet. I wonder how much a Hollywood “Yes” person gets paid these days…
So my advice, be you actress or Average Joe, is to round up all the “yes” people in your life, purchase the largest buff puff available and exfoliate them all. Their opinions are useless and clearly their presence in your life will make you ugly and most likely result in total public humiliation.
Trust me. I may seem like a bitch but, I’ll always tell you the ugly truth…and isn’t that what friends are for?