“Never fear being vulgar, just boring” D.V.
Any of you reading this who know me, know that I am frequently vulgar – and, I think it goes without saying, never boring. Happily, that vulgarity, although disquieting to some, has always served me well – at least in my opinion. I’m sure the people who think me just plain vulgar, however, would disagree. Anyway, back to my point, a well placed bit of witty verbal vulgarity – I’m not encouraging urinating in your office water feature ( I love that phrase- water feature)- is a great litmus test for anyone within earshot. Those who appear visibly uncomfortable – perhaps they even comment on the inappropriate nature of what I have just said – are uptight assholes that I should steer clear of. My vulgarity has, in that case, saved me some valuable time getting to know them and protected me from potential exposure to their verbose lamentations on illegal cell phone use on Club property or some similarly mind numbing topic. Likewise, those who upon hearing my vulgar turn of phrase, nervously look from person to person to gauge what their reaction should be, are insecure people pleasers – again, to be avoided at all costs. Thank you vulgarity – more time saved and more irritation avoided. However, that rare person who just laughs at the totality of my amusing anecdote despite, or even because of the inclusion of this splash of the scandalous, is clearly self possessed, intelligent and probably themselves a bit naughty. In short, a person I would like to throw back a few drinks with. Are the benefits of the base becoming clear?
Don’t be afraid, therefore, to follow my example and say what’s on your mind – even if it shocks the shit out of people. You’ll never be branded boring and, as illustrated above, you will be able to size people up in the flash of a four letter word. And please, don’t worry if you think you’ve gone too far. Just think of it in terms of the words of another brilliant women – to paraphrase RuPaul, “what others think of me is none of my business“.